After reading Girl Online by Zoe Sugg, I felt incomplete. I was jealous of Penny. (Hell, even this blog post is inspired by her.) I was that kind of girl once — creativity brimming to the lid. I asked myself, “WTF HAPPENED TO YOU?”
Back then (before I graduated), I can produce a poem with 5 stanzas, with rhyme and rhythm in just a few minutes. I was full of inspiration and my imagination was full tank. Now I can hardly complete one line. Before, I was able to write love stories (novelettes?) with multiple chapters! When I write articles, the words seem to flow from me. Now I can’t even complete a single chapter. I just keep on criticizing my works. All my works seem to be too stupid, too shallow or too unrealistic. (It might be because after graduation, I am no longer obligated to harvest from my creativity farm.) None of my work seem to be good enough for me. I’m just so lost. I don’t know what I want anymore.
So when I finished the two books of Zoella, I though to myself, “YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF.”
A lot of people say this when trying to break up with someone.
“I have to find myself first. Let’s break up first. ” (Oo, may ganern.)
But how do you really find yourself? Do you need to break up with someone to find yourself?
I must admit. A breakup can make you feel that need to find yourself. However, let’s try to do it without any break ups. Shall we?
1. Go on a #ThrowbackThursday mode.
Well, you can actually do this on any day. Just rummage through your old things or photographs — maybe around the
era time when you think you were still yourself? Your diary, your journal or your blog maybe?
When I did this, everything came rushing back to me. I need to get my creativity back. When I started working, it was a rote job. My creative juices weren’t used and it kind of died. Now, I am hoping and trying my best to bring it back to life. I re-read my journals and my letters to myself. I remembered who I was and I was reminded of who I wanted to be.
2. Do what you would be doing if you were still you.
While rummaging through my things, I found some old magazines and flyers that I have kept because I like the designs. I wanted to make a scrapbook then and there. Of course, I tried and failed. I had to remind myself that I need to take baby steps.
You don’t have to push yourself too hard. Knowing what you want is the first step. What’s important is you follow through your plan.
Once you have determined what you should be doing, start doing it. If you can’t do so immediately, prepare yourself for it.
3. Give yourself time.
I understand if you want to find yourself immediately. I would love that too. Reality, however, bites hard and makes us realize it’s not going to be easy. And that is OK. History didn’t happen overnight and change won’t probably happen in a day. Give yourself time to re-learn your old habits.
4. Learn to pause.
In the first place, you are in this mess because you got trampled on by the rushing current. So, pause.
Relish these moments of loving yourself. This would be the moments you’ll be clinging to when the “you” you are running from tries to haunt you at night.
Enjoy the moment. Stop trying to capture ALL the moments. Live in them. Experience them. Not every detail can be crammed in a photo. If you put your phone down, I guarantee that even though you weren’t able to take a selfie, the feeling you experienced that moment will never be erased.
5. Discover your purpose.
Asking God for help is the best way. Who would know you better than your Creator right? Ask God in prayer what lesson He wants you to learn or to tell you what season in your life you are right now.
If you aren’t religious, that’s okay. Try to discover why the universe made you exist. What can your talent, skills and passion do for the world and for your happiness?
Knowing what you are here for will help you feel more grounded. I know in myself that I was created to share my talents and as Zoe had written, “add happiness into the world.”
How about you? Are you also experiencing this? Do you also want to find yourself? Were you able to succeed? What are the steps you took/are taking? Feel free to comment below. Let’s spread the love. ♥