What’s your love language?

Okay. I know I said I wouldn’t be posting about Valentine’s day. But I just can’t help it. And NO, I’m not gonna post and display what my boyfriend gave me. (Spoiler: He did not give me anything.) Also, NO, I am not mad at him. You see, this day is not just about the gifts. Although girls would LOVE LOVE LOVE to receive them gifts, what we really want is the attention and affection of the person we love. Amirite ladies? So some guys think that they’ll be able to show their love better with gifts, that’s fine. But if your guy didn’t, maybe he feels that doesn’t really translate his love.

Have you heard about “love language”?

According to Gary Chapman, a relationship counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages series, love languages are ways to express and experience love.

There are five:

  1. gifts
  2. quality time
  3. words of affirmation
  4. acts of service/devotion
  5. physical touch/intimacy

Gift love.

Mind you, this is different from materialism. This kind of love language seeks love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the gift given. People with this language thinks that the perfect gift or gesture should show that their partner knows them, cares for them and values them. For them, gifts are a visual representation  of love and they treasure even the smallest gifts.

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The Perfect Gift: anything that is thought through. Preferably something that would mean a lot to your partner, i.e. a book from the author your partner loves, jewelry with your initials on it, a card with a heart felt poem, a song you wrote.

Quantity vs. Quality

This is one of the things my partner and I always fight about. He thinks that “spending time with me” means being beside me while he plays on his phone/PC/game device. What I really want is at least an hour of undivided attention. Spending time with me without hurrying to sleep or hurrying so he could play. You know what I mean?

When I try to tell him about this, he just interrupts me and announces his love for me. Ain’t he cute? That’s what he do when he knows he’s wrong.

Anyway, so about quality time. When spending time with your partner, quality is better than quantity. People who speak this language loves the undivided attention, the feeling that their loved one is interested in them.

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The Perfect Gift: Your UNDIVIDED attention. Don’t interrupt when they talk. Give valid responses to show interest. Eye contact. Make sure your eyes don’t glaze over.

Let’s get Physical!

This language doesn’t just revolve around the bedroom. A person with this language is very touchy. They prefer hugs, pats on the back, massages, holding hands etc.

Physical presence is very crucial for them to feel loved. They get a sense of security and belonging in the relationship when communicated with the said language.

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The Perfect Gift: A massage or maybe more?

Action speak louder than words.

People with “Acts of Service” as their love language believes in the saying above. Most wives and mothers have  kind of language. They feel that serving their loved ones will show just how much love they feel.

When you try to lessen the burden of these people by helping out, they’ll see how much you love them. Hearing the words “let me do that for you” would probably have them swooning.

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The Perfect Gift: Do their chores and errands for a period of time or at least offer to. They’ll really appreciate the thought. (Of course, you’d have to be really willing to do it in case they say yes.)

Kiss and Tell!

“Words of Affirmation” as a love language seeks unsolicited compliments and positive words. People with this language get hyped whenever they hear supportive, kind and encouraging words. Just hearing “I love you” can make their day.

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The Perfect Gift: Recite a poem. Pick up a guitar and serenade them. Just tell them how much you love them.

A person can have more than one love language. 

Try to learn what your partner’s love language is and learn yours too. Knowing that, it could make a big impact on how your partner can perceive your love and vice versa. Knowing what my partner’s love language made me understand him. It made me accept that he might not shower me with gifts, I should be assured that he really loves me and he’s actually trying to show it in his own special way – in his own special love language. ♥

If you want to understand and learn more about the love languages, I found a website called 5lovelanguages.com and they have a test where you can find out your love language or your child’s.

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3 thoughts on “What’s your love language?

  1. When I read this book I couldn’t figure out what my love language was, because I recognised and appreciated all of the different types. So I thought the other way – what happens if someone goes against the love language? What happens if someone hits me? I can take it. What happens if someone never gives me anything? I’m not very materialistic. What if someone never does anything for me? I’m pretty self-reliant. What if someone says something nasty to me? I never speak to them again. Ah…

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    1. Hello. 🙂
      It’s great that you recognize and appreciate them. But I have to tell you, my reason for sharing about these love languages is for people to use it as a guide to communicating and understanding others more effectively. However, if it is used specifically to stab people where it hurts most, it’s kinda disturbing and unfortunately effective as well. I hope it doesn’t go that way.
      I like your idea though. Maybe we should think about how to deal with people going against the love languages. Hmm. Thanks for the idea.

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      1. Heh, it was more of a way to learn something about myself. Although I do bring it up sometimes with friends – if it comes up I mention the anecdote as a way of telling them what they might do to damage the friendship. It’s useful because small talk does not come easily to me.

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