Rants About Failure

We all experience failure. The difference is how we deal with it. When I failed to get the job I wanted (or failed to get at least one of them), I tried to find an alternative route. As the saying goes, “If plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters.”

After graduating college, (I majored in English Education) I realized I don’t really want to just teach. I know I will never be satisfied by being just a teacher. It wasn’t one of my dream jobs.  I wanted something else — a profession where I would love to go to work everyday, a career where I get challenged everyday, a job where I can do what I love to do.

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Also, I was devastated knowing that there are limited jobs available for me especially since I don’t even have the required background and experience. I knew I had to get a job. I needed to support myself.

Then, I realized I cannot get my dream job. Why? It’s because I have a lot of dream jobs. Achieving all of them meant having myself split into multiple bodies or providing mediocre effort. I wanted to be a novelist, an artist, a movie director, a dancer, a movie actress, an entrepreneur, an event planner, a blogger, a YouTuber — the list will probably just go on. I’ll be spreading myself too thin. Although, I know that I can probably achieve all those things if I try hard enough. The question is, “Can I provide the best in all of those endeavors?” The answer will most likely be NO.

So, I got a job… in a different industry. I wanted to explore and see what would make me happy. I got into customer service and worked a year there. I learned a lot from the experience but my heart wasn’t there. I changed jobs.

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I am now a data processor. I know. Another desk job. My heart wasn’t in it. But instead of quitting, I used my free time to delve into the things I love doing. I realized I have to develop at least the basic skills to achieve my dreams.

What did I do? I started small.  I uploaded a fake makeup tutorial video on Youtube. I started to blog again. I volunteered to be a coordinator at an event (which I got nothing out of BTW lol). I started to write a novel (which I haven’t finished until now). Without hurrying, I am trying to get to where I want to be at. I know that nothing can hinder me from achieving my dreams if I just push myself. Well, honestly, giving my best on something I don’t love is hard. I may not be able to be the best in that certain field but I know I gave my best and that’s what is important.

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The thing is I FAILED but I DON’T CARE. I’ll still keep trying.

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