Blog 5/52 confessions of a freelancer

Okay. So I just reconnected with an old friend. It was her birthday yesterday and after I greeted her, we talked for a while. (Also, note that I’m very happy I have her back in my friends list. ūüėä Okay, long story.)

When¬†she asked why I am working from home, I started to freak the f*ck out and threw lame excuses. I know I shouldn’t do that, but yet I did. It made me question everything again. (that’s proof of a healthy friendship though¬†ūüėÜ IMO)

So I talked to boyfie and asked for his help in dealing with all these feelings and doubts.

Only then did I realize that I love where I’m at right now. And that there’s nothing wrong with working from home.

And boyfie was right, too.

If I can’t accept that I really do have a job, then no one will acknowledge that I actually have a job.

You see, I’m a freelance writer/editor. People don’t see that as common so they probably think I’m a bum.

Whenever family/relatives and friends ask about my work, it makes me feel small. Like what I do isn’t legit. ¬†I work from home, whenever I want. (Okay, maybe not. But I can definitely do it on my own time.) I get to watch YouTube videos, eat while I work, or pause and sleep when I¬†feel like it. And the thing is, I think people has convinced me that I am doing nothing with my life. It makes me feel that I am a bum.

Whenever relatives ask why I won’t go back to teaching, I keep telling them that I don’t feel happy as a school teacher. They don’t understand. They think I’m wasting my degree and my license.

Maybe I am.

I love¬†literature and grammar but¬†I just am not that passionate with¬†teaching right now. I can’t deal with kids all running about wanting to do everything else but sit on those desks. (I know there’s principles and strategies to work around that but I just can’t deal ok?)

So after having a great talk with boyfie, I realized that I am happy this way. Where I am not stressed with shitty co-workers or traffic or heat.

I also realized that just because I feel anxious or lonely, doesn’t mean something is wrong and that I have to change. I may experience some problems but that doesn’t mean I’m doomed.¬†

I guess I just needed to write about this so I can go back to it when I go back to doubting my job lol

My goal is to be able to work from home so that I can be with family. And I am on that path right now. So I’m good.

If you can relate to this, just¬†remember that as long as what you’re doing leads¬†to your goal, then you’re doing great. Repeat these words to yourself (Read: Mantra).

IF YOU’RE HAPPY,¬†YOU’RE¬†DOING GOOD.

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