Blog 10/52 Speaking of Kids

So my grandma told me I should have babies soon so that she’ll still be alive to see her great-grandkids. Like it’s that easy. Like I don’t have things to consider before making that big decision. Like it was her call to decide when I should be making babies. I’m not mad at her or anything, (I love her.) I’m just disappointed that she thought it was her call. She said I was being selfish for not sharing this part of my life with them (Read: for not obeying their advice). (My “wedding” plans are another story.)

So I just wanted to share these. Maybe it’ll help people in understanding. These are some of the reasons why I don’t want to have kids yet.

1. I don’t think my partner and I are ready financially.

Having a kid is a great responsibility. I don’t want it to be an accident. I want to want it when they come into my life. I want to tell my partner without hesitation. I want to be ready and I want to give my future kids the things and opportunities I didn’t have as a kid. My mom raised me to be a very calculative of the things I do, and I think this is one of the things that I really have to be calculative about.

My partner and I wanted to have enough money saved before going that direction. We don’t want to get loans and drown in debt just because we didn’t plan things.

2. I am not sure if I’m mentally stable to handle kids.

My younger cousins know this (I’m an only child.), I always tell them to shut up when I’m not in the mood to listen to them babble. I told them that when I am ready for them, I will talk to them.

However, even if this worked on them, I don’t think it’ll work on a toddler, much less a crying baby. I can’t tell my crying baby to “shut up, I’m trying to sleep. ”

And in response to this, people always tell me, “You only say that because you aren’t a mom yet. When you have kids, you’ll change.” And I’m like FU, you don’t know that. You don’t know me. I have the right to be afraid and you can’t just disregard my fear. I know I’m not ready AND I WILL HAVE BABIES WHEN I’M READY!

3. I’m afraid to give birth.

Another reason I’m afraid is because I’m afraid of my vagina tearing. Upon doing some “research”, the vagina “technically” tears (or is cut by the doctor) when a woman gives birth. I’m afraid of that. If my dysmenorrhea taught me something, it’s that that kind of pain is so great, I might pass out.

And you know, just the thought of my skin tearing? Or being cut? And sewn back? *cringe*

4. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.

Having kids is such a huge responsibility, I don’t think I’ll ever do it. But, you know, maybe I will. I like how cute kids are, especially the babies and the toddlers. But it’s different when it’s not yours. When it starts crying you can give it back to the parents. You aren’t the one needing to wake up in the middle of the night to shush and rock it back to sleep.

And in my opinion, a person can’t turn back from being an adult the moment she has a kid. And I am not very good at adulting. I mean, I try. but I’m not sure that’s enough to get an A+ in Adulting 101.

Do you think the same? Tell me in the comments?

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