Book 4/52 Dragon Slippers by Jessica Day George Review

It’s been a while since I last read a physical book. It was nice to do it again. 😊 The smell of old books is really relaxing. I bought this book on a sale, but it looks nice.

The book is titled Dragon Slippers, written by Jessica Day George. I think there is a second book titled “Dragon Flight”. I would probably have to scour book sales and secondhand bookstores just to find it. 😄

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The story started slow but I was hooked by the unexpected twists and turns. This is basically just me listing down my reactions to the story.

Spoilers ahead! ⚠⚠⚠

Continue reading

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Blog 28/52 Another Crossroad

As I approach my 25th year (turned 24 last June but you know “technically” I’m getting there), I feel like I have hit a point in my life where everything just stops. And there’s a crossroad.

Two years ago, I was repeatedly asking life to just pause. And in a way, it did. However, I realized that pausing my life didn’t do me good. I still didn’t get the rest I need. I didn’t really pause. I was still working. I was still feeling guilty every time I try to do something recreational. I still feel like I should be doing something to earn or to improve my skills.

While my friends are out partying or just going with their friends, I was at home. Either doing chores, browsing social media, reading a book or streaming a TV show. I mean, I kind of enjoyed doing those, but whenever “people” tell me I should go out, I begin to doubt myself. I start to think that maybe I’m wasting my life.

But the thing is, I actually don’t like going out. It’s starting to irritate me as I feel like I HAVE TO go out. When in actuality, I really didn’t want to. They make me doubt the things I do. Am I wasting my life if I don’t go out with friends? Is it wrong to just stay home where there’s a soft bed, cuddly pillows and a fuzzy blanket?

I recently started following a page about being unbusy. It promotes unplugging and taking time to just be. However, I’m still uncertain if I agree with everything, especially the part where they say I must go experience nature. I mean I like nature — the stars, the smell of fresh air, those kinda things — but I don’t exactly love camping in the woods. I have lived almost my whole life with trees and plants and mosquitos. No, thank you.

Then comes the part where I realize I don’t need to listen to anyone. I don’t have to follow anyone’s advice. That I can just be myself and do what I enjoy. But what if the things I enjoy doesn’t make me “improve” myself? Should I continue being myself or should I follow others’ advice?

Dammit. Life is so complicated.

Blog 27/52 Social Anxiety and Depression

I am afraid.

They don’t see it. But I find it hard to face people. At times, I don’t even want to face me.

It’s easy to say that I should go out and have fun. It’s easy to say that whatever I feel can be solved by being healthy and exercising, and going out. But the problem is, I don’t want to?

It’s funny. At times, I don’t even believe myself. I think I’m a fraud. I think maybe I’m just faking this. Maybe I’m just pretending to feel this way. I’m just joining the bandwagon that is social anxiety and depression. Maybe it’s the FOMO talking. You know, ‘coz it’s mainstream right now.

What if?

Story time!

So I was browsing through my Facebook feed and came across a highlights video of the controversial Netflix show 13 Reasons Why. I am telling you, it was so heavy. I am upset and I feel stressed. I feel like a cotton ball absorbing all the things I saw. I feel so down? This incident only confirms my decision not to watch the show. It has nothing to do with the quality of the show. I’m sure it’s good. It’s so good, I’m affected even just by watching a short highlights video.

I know something is wrong with me. But I’m afraid to know exactly what.

Guilty Pleasure

Guilty pleasure.
That’s what you are.
You’re something I treasure,
You’re mine from afar.

Guilty pleasure.
The depth of my love
no one can measure,
but the god above.

Guilty pleasure.
Your eyes as bright as the moon,
Your lips as soft as feather,
In my life you’re a boon.

©Cari

Blog 26/52 Winter is Coming

Game of Thrones is just

around the corner.

Winter has finally came,

the long wait over.

Snow will finally find out

Wylla’s not his mother.

We’ll finally see if the gentle giant

actually became a white walker.

I have a feeling the snow will finally melt.

His life will be taken by the other.

It was on the teaser, from the lips

of ned’s oldest daughter.

 

Blog 25/52 Strength

Strength.
To go on.
To move on.
To live life like nothing’s wrong.

Waking up in the morning
Already feeling down
Left the house frowning
Feeling alone in a happy town.

Sipping my coffee,
biting my bread.
Riddled with anxiety,
Starting the day with dread.

Tell me, please.
How do you go on with life
Living it with ease
As if evil isn’t rife?

Cari ©

Blog 24/52 My Online Community

Following a breakdown, I felt like I needed some people to talk to and to help me with stuff I wanna achieve. Hence the start of my journey in finding my online community.

I’ve joined some communities that have really helped me reach some of my goals as well as helped me virtually find some good friends.

1. WordPress Blogging Community

 

I found great bloggers here, (particularly @anisakazemi from iaccidentlyatethewholething.com) and seeing their posts inspires me to write more blogs and explore more topics. ❤️

2. NaNoWriMoCampNanoWriMo

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I’ve always wanted to write a fantasy book. Thanks to NaNoWriMo, I’m now on the process of doing so.

Now, while I wait for November 2017, Camp NaNoWriMo is here to save me.

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3. 10 Minute Novelists

I found this Facebook group by accident, but I found some writer friends there (albeit online). I feel happy to have found good souls even from across the globe. I’ve learned here that when you want to write, even 10 minutes is enough.

4. 365 Writing Club

This community is a subgroup of the 10MN. They help me stay on track and try my best to write daily.

I earned last month’s badge for hitting my monthly quota.

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It’s a small thing but being rewarded (even though it’s just a badge) for writing a certain number of words excites me.

I virtually met a few cool people here, too.

5. Online Filipino Freelancers

This community had been a great help when I was starting as an online freelancer. Although our views about things weren’t always on the same page, I’ve learned a lot from the members and I’m very thankful.

6. Fandom pages over Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

Since joining these fandom communities, I felt like the real me was freed. I was able to fangirl freely. I didn’t have to hold back because I knew there were other people like me who loves the characters/show/movie/book and understands the need to post/rant about them regularly.

I’ve yet to meet enough people online to fill my online friend capacity. I like that meeting people can now be done at home, or anywhere really. Finding kindred souls is easier now and I dare you to go find people who likes the sames things you do!

#TeamInternet

 

Blog 23/52 Favorite Characters

Whether it’s from a book, a show or a movie, I’m sure all of us have our own favorite characters.

Well, here’s some of them. Smiling Face With Smiling Eyes on Messenger 1.0

1. Sharpay Evans from High School Musical

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I have loved her since HS and I love her still. Her character was an antagonist but she was true to herself. When she wants something, she goes and gets it. I should just say this straight up, but I’m more attracted to antagonists or at least, not the typical girl-next-door protagonists and hero/heroine. I love that she can sing and have you seen her wardrobe? She fabulous. Winking Face on Twitter Twemoji 2.3

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I love that at the end of the movies, or at least the second one, she was able to care about other people than herself and Troy Bolton.

2. Petyr Baelish/Littlefinger from Game of Thrones

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I know he’s a bit of a psychopath and creepy AF but I really like how manipulative he is. He was able to manipulate people just by being in the know.

Also, actor Aiden Gillen is #daddy so… ♥

3. Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls

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Her character was so relatable, at least for me. She tries to be perfect and is perfect in her own way. She’s hilarious when she fails and her character’s so adorable. She’s one of those bitches whom you just can’t hate coz she’s so funny to watch.

4. Santana Lopez from Glee

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Her character is really just a straight up bitch but she’s just doesn’t give a crap and knows she’s beautiful. Love her singing voice, too! Naya Rivera’s portrayal is just perfect.

5. Lilly Truscott from Hannah Montana

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Being Miley’s best friend, it’s actually expected to have her as a very loyal friend. But I love the fact that she isn’t afraid to show how crazy she is and how far she’ll go for her BFF. She’s clumsy and impulsive, too, which I can very relate to.

 

Blog 22/52 How to Heal a Broken Heart

They say time heals broken hearts, just like with wounds. 

I disagree. 

I think closure heals broken hearts. 

It’s when you finally accept the truth and stop making excuses for the person who broke your heart. 

That deadbeat parent who always had excuses why he/she can’t be there.

That former friend whom you thought is reliable.

That ex-partner who cheated and blames it on your shortcomings. 

Seek closure so that your heart may heal and your mind be put to rest. It’s when you finally accept those people as they are and decide if you’ll continue the relationship or break it off. 

When you decide to stop waiting for your deadbeat parent, to focus on your other friends and to accept that it isn’t your fault your partner cheated, that’s when you get closure and have yourself a carefree and happy soul.

Blog 21/52 Friendship: Why I stopped looking for a BFF

I had previously posted about friendship, about how I had lost whom I thought was my best friend, and about how I had felt that I had no friends. 

🎶🎵Something has changed within me~

I can honestly say that right now, my thoughts about friendship has changed. 

One of the things I’ve learned is that there is no such thing as a best friend. Beyond my partner, whom I am actually open with about everything, friends are just people I need to make my days less boring, to talk to when I have thoughts I wanna discuss, to spend time and dine with, to get encouragements from when I feel down, and to have some to cry to and vent to when life happens. 

I’ve stopped looking for a BFF because labeling just one, creates a hierarchy in my mind. A list ranking my friends, if they fit the characteristics and if the boxes on my list above were being ticked. It makes me stop being a friend, and start being the parasite that I am. 

I ask what they do for me, what they can offer me, what their friendship would mean to me if I continue being a friend to them. All the others who don’t reciprocate my efforts are branded in my mind, that they don’t really like me, or that they don’t really see me as a friend. I forget that they also need and expect the same things from me.  

This kind of thinking was unhealthy. I know that now. It defeats the true purpose of friendship, which is to share a part of yourself to others so that they may feel loved and cherished. Or at least, that is what friendship means to me. 

I noticed that some people have multiple best friends. They aren’t just in the same squad, some have a childhood bff, middle/highschool bff, a workplace bff, and a neighbor bff. I do not presume to understand how that works, and I am aware that others can make that work which is good for them, but I do not want to do the same. 

One of the reasons is that I have always held the term “BFF/best friend” highly, because for me, it was supposed to be given to the best (hence its name?). (You can assume that I maybe saying this because I don’t really have a best friend, that I am just a lonely person dripping with social anxiety and bitterness, and that’s okay. Maybe that is true.) 

But all I want to believe in is that I have friends and they are all important to me. They may not always remember me. That’s okay, I don’t always make my presence felt either. Some of them talk behind my back, telling other people about how they really feel about me, and that’s okay too. That shouldn’t change the fact that they are important to me. I feel like, other people’s way of treating me shouldn’t change how I treat them. I shouldn’t stop loving a person just because they don’t love me equally. 

I want to be the friend that you can call when no one is there for you. That one friend you forgot you have. That one friend you didn’t know you had. That one friend who’ll stay even though you don’t see each other much. Or at least, I try to be.

Even though I crave the love and care of a BFF (I won’t deny that), I am content with being just a friend. Or at least, I am trying to.