Blog 5/52 confessions of a freelancer

picture of the word doubt

Okay. So I just reconnected with an old friend. It was her birthday yesterday and after I greeted her, we talked for a while. (Also, note that I’m very happy I have her back in my friends list. 😊 Okay, long story.)

When she asked why I am working from home, I started to freak the f*ck out and threw lame excuses. I know I shouldn’t do that, but yet I did. It made me question everything again. (that’s proof of a healthy friendship though 😆 IMO)

So I talked to boyfie and asked for his help in dealing with all these feelings and doubts.

Only then did I realize that I love where I’m at right now. And that there’s nothing wrong with working from home.

And boyfie was right, too.

If I can’t accept that I really do have a job, then no one will acknowledge that I actually have a job.

You see, I’m a freelance writer/editor. People don’t see that as common so they probably think I’m a bum.

Whenever family/relatives and friends ask about my work, it makes me feel small. Like what I do isn’t legit.  I work from home, whenever I want. (Okay, maybe not. But I can definitely do it on my own time.) I get to watch YouTube videos, eat while I work, or pause and sleep when I feel like it. And the thing is, I think people has convinced me that I am doing nothing with my life. It makes me feel that I am a bum.

Whenever relatives ask why I won’t go back to teaching, I keep telling them that I don’t feel happy as a school teacher. They don’t understand. They think I’m wasting my degree and my license.

Maybe I am.

I love literature and grammar but I just am not that passionate with teaching right now. I can’t deal with kids all running about wanting to do everything else but sit on those desks. (I know there’s principles and strategies to work around that but I just can’t deal ok?)

So after having a great talk with boyfie, I realized that I am happy this way. Where I am not stressed with shitty co-workers or traffic or heat.

I also realized that just because I feel anxious or lonely, doesn’t mean something is wrong and that I have to change. I may experience some problems but that doesn’t mean I’m doomed. 

I guess I just needed to write about this so I can go back to it when I go back to doubting my job lol

My goal is to be able to work from home so that I can be with family. And I am on that path right now. So I’m good.

If you can relate to this, just remember that as long as what you’re doing leads to your goal, then you’re doing great. Repeat these words to yourself (Read: Mantra).

IF YOU’RE HAPPY, YOU’RE DOING GOOD.

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How to Quit Your Job

I have been wanting to quit my job since last year, and I can’t seem to be able to do so. Not until I read, a post about “just quitting”. After reading that article, I did a little thinking. I prayed and I meditated on it.

And I finally made up my mind and just quit. After I did, there was a sense of relief as if a dagger sticking out my throat had been removed. The depression and anxiety didn’t go entirely but I can feel it lessened.

Today is my last day and I feel so good. I feel free. So how did I find the courage to quit?

1. Meditate on why you want to quit.

Know your reasons. Is quitting the only way to solve your problems? In my case, it’s like God had given me a way out as my partner decided to work and I’ll be the one to stay at home.

I was being bullied at work. Plus,  I am not a very social person. Quitting my job gave me the chance to do online jobs where I do not need to socialize a lot. Plus, I get the freedom to continue running our bakery business.

Whatever your reasons are, make sure you are headed to a better direction. You do not want to be impulsive. Plan it out.

2. Discuss your options with someone you trust.

I am so blessed to have my partner support me in this.

I was so afraid of quitting because I know I needed to eat. I needed to work so I can provide for myself. However, every time I think about quitting, I panic as I know I don’t have any savings as my safety net if I did. He helped me be kinder to myself as he knows I’m on the edge of burnout.

My point is, talk to someone you trust (better if it’s your parents or your partner) and discuss your feelings. Tell them why you want to quit and what you plan to do. What is stopping you from doing so. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to help you figure things out.

3. Decide when you want to do it.

Once you decide when to quit, trust me, you’ll feel the difference. After handing in my letter, some of the anxiety I have been feeling faded. Hope was bursting from me. I finally had a goal instead of endless days of going to the same old routine of a job.

Even though you aren’t going to quit soon, if you want to, set a date when you’ll finally do it. Set a date when your savings should be enough. Set a goal and make sure it’s achievable.

4. Just quit.

When your set time has come, print the letter, sign it and hand it over. Free yourself from your boring routine and start chasing your dream.

If you want to be a writer, everything you do must be leaning towards being a writer. Showcase your writing skills even if you are just sending an email to your client. If you want to be a chef, everything you do must be helping you become one. When you cook, practice doing what chefs do. Wear a toque if you like. Just make it happen.


I hope I was able to help you with my story. Feel free to share as well as like and follow! ♄

“Because at the end of the day all we have is the love we created, the passions we pursued, and the dignity we maintained.”

I just needed to share this. I cried while reading because I know I am guilty of trying to sound distant when my efforts are not reciprocated.

EleazerIn the rules of love someone always cares more. There is the person who always puts in more effort; the person who goes the distance. The person who finds counseling worth the effort when a divorce seems like the easy option. The person who will let the argument go rather than continue to fight. The


via Be The One Who Loves With Abandon — Thought Catalog

About depression.

Have you ever felt like you wanna pause everything and just breathe? Like you wanna pause time so you can finally relax from your job and just sleep in? I do.

However, it’s a feeling that I can’t shake. No matter how many rest days I take. I still feel tired of living and pretending to be okay.

I feel like the 24 hours isn’t enough for me to finish everything I need to. I feel tired physically and emotionally. I feel like everyone hates me or at least, dislikes me. I know it doesn’t matter as I will never please everyone, but the hollow pit is there. A dark void consuming all joy and happiness and hope.

I just wanna cry all day. People cry for release and relief, yet whenever I do it, I just feel more tired and more burdened.

I am not sure if this is depression, but I feel something is wrong. I am working on solving this personal problem. If you feel this too, ask for help. Not everyone will help you, some will dismiss your cry for help; some will advise you without any background knowledge about your issues; but keep on trying. I know there is hope. I haven’t found it, but I can feel it’s there, in a corner somewhere, waiting for me to pick it up.

Depression or not, you deserve to find happiness or at least create happiness.

Depression or not, you deserve to find happiness. Continue crying for help. Eventually, someone will reach out and help you.

With you,
c2